i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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