it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
