Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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