I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
