Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
