So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
