I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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