So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
