guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
