i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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