I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
