Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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