okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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