i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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