But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
