New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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