I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
