I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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