I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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