his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize