Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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