I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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