I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
