Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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