I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
