Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
