So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
