I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
