The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
