If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
