I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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