those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
