They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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