Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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