so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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