We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
