the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
