she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think your dad took our porno
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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