my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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