No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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