How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
