I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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