bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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