FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
