He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
