I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
