he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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