omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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