Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
