brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
