Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
