I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
