im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
