remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
