Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
