my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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