so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
