Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
