just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
