just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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