A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
