Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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